DON'T SAY YES WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY NO

Tell me if this sounds familiar -- someone asks you to do something that you really don't want to do or you honestly don't have time for. It might be a request or an unreasonable request from a friend, a neighbor, a close relative, a family member, your office colleague or your boss for just working late. But you feel like you will let the other person down if you say no. You feel GUILTY already, and you haven't even responded yet! So you say, "Sure," even though doing so is going to put you under tremendous stress and PRESSURE. You know that you will probably end up resenting this activity, and maybe even ducking some of your responsibilities because your heart's just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway.

Why are we so afraid to tell people "NO"? For some reason, we have been taught that "no" is DISRESPECTFUL -- and even insulting. We seem to value other people's time more than our own -- feeling that we need to bend over backward to accommodate others, even if it inconveniences us.  When you tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand and accept your own LIMITS, and don't want to do a shoddy job by overwhelming yourself.That you value your time and priorities and aren't willing to take away from the truly important things in your life. A little selfishness is necessary, if you want to maintain a balanced and sane life!

So how do you say "NO" without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? We need to find a way to say "no" without dragging up all of those HIDDEN FEARS -- they'll think I'm lazy or selfish, that I have no career drive, that I'm not ambitious, that I have no concern for other people. Once you've accepted that you have the right (and often responsibility) to turn someone down, you can do it in a way that doesn't seem like a REJECTION.

Here are 20 ways to say "NO" without hurting others

1. “I CAN’T RIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN DO IT LATER”

If you really want to help the person but don’t have time now, tell them so. Offer a later time or date — if they can’t wait for you they will find someone else.

2. “I’M REALLY NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED PERSON FOR THE JOB”

If you don’t feel that you have adequate skills to take on a task, that’s okay. It’s better to admit your limitations up front than feel overwhelmed down the road.

3. “I JUST DON’T HAVE ANY ROOM IN MY CALENDAR RIGHT NOW”

Be honest if your schedule is filled — and “filled” doesn’t have to mean really FILLED! It just means you have scheduled as much as you are willing and you’re stopping.

4. “I CAN’T, BUT LET ME GIVE YOU THE NAME OF SOMEONE WHO CAN”

If you aren’t available to help out, offer another qualified resource. Professionals do this all the time when they refer a client to a colleague.

5. “I HAVE ANOTHER COMMITMENT”

And it doesn’t matter what that commitment is. It could be a meeting or a dentist appointment or a day in the park with your kid. The point is, you aren’t available.

6. “I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF SEVERAL PROJECTS AND CAN’T SPARE THE TIME”

Let people know when you have already accepted other responsibilities — no one is going to fault you for having already filled your plate.

7. “I’VE HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP AND I NEED TO DEAL WITH THOSE FIRST”

Unexpected things happen that throw your schedule off — it happens. So accept that you may need to make a few adjustments until your life stabilizes again.

8. “I WOULD RATHER DECLINE THAN END UP DOING A MEDIOCRE JOB”

Knowing that you aren’t able to deliver a quality product — for whatever reason — is reason enough for turning a request down.

9. “I’M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE RIGHT NOW”

People act ashamed of wanting to spend time with their families — like it means they don’t have goals. Having a strong family is a goal in and of itself!

10. “I’M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY CAREER RIGHT NOW”

The reverse is true also — you may have to give up some civic or community duties to focus your energies on a work-related task (and that’s fine, too!)

11. “I REALLY DON’T ENJOY THAT KIND OF WORK”

Who said you were supposed to enjoy your chores and assignments?! Well, if you don’t enjoy them, why do them? Life isn’t about drudgery and boredom.

12. “I CAN’T, BUT I’M HAPPY TO HELP OUT WITH ANOTHER TASK”

If someone asks you to do something you really despise, refuse — but then offer to help with something you find more enjoyable or stimulating.

13. “I’VE LEARNED IN THE PAST THAT THIS REALLY ISN’T MY STRONG SUIT”

Another way of admitting your limitations. Did you know that actually makes you stronger? Knowing what you can handle and what you can’t is a tremendous talent!

14. “I’M SURE YOU WILL DO A WONDERFUL JOB ON YOUR OWN”

Many times, people ask for help because they doubt their own abilities. Let the other person know that you have confidence that they will succeed.

15. “I DON’T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH THAT, SO I CAN’T HELP YOU”

Volunteering to help out shouldn’t mean that you have to learn an entirely new set of skills. Offer to help out with something you already know how to do.

16. “I’M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT”

You might be uncomfortable with the people involved, the type of work, the moral implications — this is a very respectful way to avoid a sticky situation.

17. “I HATE TO SPLIT MY ATTENTION AMONG TOO MANY PROJECTS”

Let people know that you want to do a good job for them — but that you can’t when your focus is too divided or splintered.

18. “I’M COMMITTED TO LEAVING SOME TIME FOR MYSELF IN MY SCHEDULE”

Selfish, selfish, selfish! But in a good way! Treat your personal time like any other appointment — block it off in your calendar and guard it with your life!

19. “I’M NOT TAKING ON ANY NEW PROJECTS RIGHT NOW”

You aren’t saying that you will never help out again — just that you feel your schedule is as full as you would like right now.

20. “NO”

Sometimes it’s okay just to say no! Just make sure that you say it in a way that expresses respect and courtesy — that leaves the door open for good relations.

Author – Ramona Creel

Ten Commandments for Peace of Mind

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR PEACE OF MIND

Peace of mind is a goal that everyone wants to achieve but very few people know how to even get close to it. There are so many stresses in this world that it is hard to imagine living your life without feeling tense all of the time. What is peace of mind? It is a state of inner calmness and tranquillity, together with a sense of freedom, when thoughts and worries cease, and there is no stress, strain or fear. Inner peace is easy to achieve if you take it little by little and make small changes to the way to navigate your day. 


Here are some ten commandments that need to be followed religiously if we are serious about achieving perfect peace of mind.

1. Do not interfere in others' business unless asked 

Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic, and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. 

This kind of attitude on our part denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God, for God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because they are prompted to do so by the Divine within them. There is God to look after everything. Why are you bothered? Mind your own business and you will have your peace. 

2. Forget and forgive

This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often nurture ill feeling inside our heart for the person who insults or harms us. We foster grievances, which in turn results in loss of sleep, develops of stomach ulcer, high blood pressure and many other ailments that stealthily gnaws us from within. 

We forget that the insult or injury was done to us once but by nourishing the grievance we go on excavating the wound forever. Therefore it is essential that we cultivate the art of forgiving and forgetting. Believe in the justice of God and the doctrine of Karma. Let Him judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forget, forgive, and march on. 

3. Do not crave for recognition

This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motive. They may praise you today because you are rich and have power but no sooner you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and start criticizing you. 

Moreover, each person is a mortal with a bundle of defects in them. No one individual is picture perfect. Then why do you value the words of praise of another mortal like you? Why do you crave for such false recognition and lose your peace of mind if the world does not praise you? Believe in yourself. People's praises do not last long and are not worth it. Do your duties ethically and sincerely and leave the rest to God. 

4. Do not be jealous 

We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know you work harder than your colleagues in the office but they get promotions, you do not. You started a business several years ago but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in every walk of life. Should you be jealous? No, remember everybody's life is shaped by his previous Karma that has now become his destiny. If you are destined to be rich, not all the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere, but will only give you restlessness. 

5. Change yourself according to the environment 

If you try to change the environment single handedly, the chances are you may fail. Instead, change yourself to suit the environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has remained unfriendly for you, will mysteriously appear to be congenial and harmonious. 

6. Endure what cannot be cured

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations and accidents that are beyond our control. We must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking, "God will it so, so be it". God's logic is beyond our comprehension. Believe it and you will gain in patience, in inner strength, in will power. 

7. Do not bite more than you can chew

This maxim should be always remembered. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable to carry out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. If you have extra time, then spend it in an inward life of prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind, which make you restless. Fewer the thoughts, greater is the peace of mind. 

8. Meditate regularly

Meditation makes the mind thoughtless. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour every day, you will tend to become calm during the remaining twenty-three and a half hours. Your mind will not be disturbed as much as before. You must gradually increase the period of daily meditation. You may think this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will turn out more work in less time. 

9. Never leave the mind vacant

Empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil deeds start in the mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more - money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or temple work may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even if you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name (japa). 

10. Do not procrastinate and never regret

Do not waste time in wondering "should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Always remember God has His own plan too. Value your time and do things. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can rectify your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET! Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Take it as the will of God. You do not have the power to alter the course of God's will. Why cry over the spilt milk?

Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away. 

                                                  -Robert Fulghum    

     

-Robert Fulghum

TWELVE VALUABLE STEPS TO RAISE YOUR SELF ESTEEM

 In order to build your self-esteem, you must establish yourself as the master of your own life. Every single minute of your life is a moment you can change for the better. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." 

 Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight," says Jeffrey Keller. "Yet, I believe every person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?" If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started:

Step OneStop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.

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Step TwoStop putting yourself down. You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments.

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Step ThreeAccept all compliments with "thank you." Ever received a compliment and replied," Oh, it was nothing." When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You."

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Step FourUse affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

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Step FiveTake advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem. Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

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Step SixAssociate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible environment to raise your self-esteem.

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Step SevenMake a list of your past successes. This doesn't necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school, receiving an award or promotion, reaching a business goal, etc. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

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Step EightMake a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

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Step NineStart giving more. I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that you must begin to give more of yourself to those around you. When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.

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Step TenGet involved in work and activities you love. It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.

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Step ElevenBe true to yourself. Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

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Step TwelveTake action! You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

The "real you" is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. As your self-esteem grows, this "real you" emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren't as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem brings you peace of mind ... when you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.

21 EFFECTIVE QUOTATIONS OF SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

1.    If the mind is intensely eager, everything can be accomplished—mountains can be crumbled into atoms. 

2.    Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.  

3.    Come out into the universe of Light. Everything in the universe is yours, stretch out your arms and embrace it with love. If you every felt you wanted to do that, you have felt God. 

4.    All knowledge that the world has ever received comes from the mind; the infinite library of the universe is in our own mind. 

5.    Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creator of your own destiny. All the strength and succor you want is within yourself. Therefore make your own future.

  6.    There is no help for you outside of yourself; you are the creator of the universe. Like the silkworm you have built a cocoon around yourself…. Burst your own cocoon and come out aw the beautiful butterfly, as the free soul. Then alone you will see Truth. 

7.    It is our own mental attitude which makes the world what it is for us. Our thought make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light. First, believe in this world, that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!  

8.    Hold to the idea, “I am not the mind, I see that I am thinking, I am watching my mind act,” and each day the identification of yourself with thoughts and feelings will grow less, until at last you can entirely separate yourself from the mind and actually know it to be apart from yourself. 

9.    All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore love for love’s sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live. 

10.     Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth. 

11.     Even the greatest fool can accomplish a task if it were after his or her heart. But the intelligent ones are those who can convert every work into one that suits their taste. 

12.     Condemn none: if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers and let them go their own way.

13.     Each work has to pass through these stages—ridicule, opposition, and then acceptance. Those who think ahead of their time are sure to be misunderstood. 

14.     If you think that you are bound, you remain bound; you make your own bondage. If you know that you are free, you are free this moment. This is knowledge, knowledge of freedom. Freedom is the goal of all nature. 

15.     As long as we believe ourselves to be even the least different from God, fear remains with us; but when we know ourselves to be the One, fear goes; of what can we be afraid? 

16.     Your Atman is the support of the universe—whose support do you stand in need of? Wait with patience and love and strength. If helpers are not ready now, they will come in time. Why should we be in a hurry? The real working force of all great work is in its almost unperceived beginnings. 

17.     Learning and wisdom are superfluities, the surface glitter merely, but it is the heart that is the seat of all power. It is not in the brain but in the heart that the Atman, possessed of knowledge, power, and activity, has its seat. 

18.     Understanding human nature is the highest knowledge, and only by knowing it can we know God? It is also a fact that the knowledge of God is the highest knowledge, and only by knowing God can we understand human nature 

19.     Purity, patience, and perseverance are the three essentials to success and, above all, love. 

20.     If you want to have life, you have to die every moment for it. Life and death are only different expressions of the same thing looked at from different standpoints; they are the falling and the rising of the same wave, and the two form one whole. 

21.     Each soul is potentially divine. The goal is to manifest this divinity within by controlling nature, external and internal. Do this either by work, or worship or psychic control or philosophy – by one or more or all of these and be free.

POSITIVE ENERGY

POSITIVE ENERGY

How to Attract Positive Energy and Dispel Negative Energy
 Written by: Sen - CalmDownMind.com

Every moment you have a choice – to be at peace or to be in resistance. When you are at peace you attract positive energy and when you resist you create negative vibes that reflect back on your being. It’s a simple choice and yet most people unconsciously choose to live in negativity.

It’s not your boss, colleagues, parents, ex or the traffic, but your own perception that creates stress and negative energy. Circumstances are neutral. You will generate positive vibes when your inner state is one of alignment and congruence, instead of being resistive.

Here are a few tips to attract positive energy by staying in touch with your inner peace and stillness.

START YOUR DAY WITH MEDITATION

Any form of meditation is helpful but it’s best to keep it simple. Just practice the meditation of becoming aware of your presence. You don’t have to sit in any strident posture, just relax and feel your consciousness or presence in the midst of the thoughts and emotions. This is a very powerful practice that creates a positive vibe throughout the body.

TREAT EVERYONE THE WAY  YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

          

A day is easily ruined when you start holding resentment against someone. Know that everything is oneness and though we appear as different forms, everything is the manifestation of the one true essence. When you see others as yourself you will not harbor negative feelings and in turn your attitude will attract positive energy from the people around you.

LET GO OF YOUR NEED TO CONTROL

Life is a flux and its nature is change. The more you resist the more you will suffer. Whenever you try to control a life situation, you will feel stressed out and this will generate a lot of negative energy. Just imagine life to be a raging river, does it serve any purpose to struggle? Wouldn't it be much more relaxing and peaceful if you just let go and allow yourself to float with the flow? People who stay surrendered and relaxed generate a lot of positive energy and attract the grace of life.

SEE THE POSITIVE IN EVERY SITUATION

Know that good and bad are just perceptions created in the conditioned mind. In reality every life situation is pure grace and is the manifestation of the one truth – call it god or spirit or energy. When you see every situation with this innocence, it will reveal its grace to you.

VISUALIZE A PEACEFUL LIFE

Your mind might be addicted to negative thinking, most minds are. You will have to consciously break out of this addiction if you want to attract positive energy within you. Stay conscious and see your mind churning out fearful images. Stop thinking these thoughts and focus your attention on visualizing a peaceful flow of life. You will be amazed at the positive vibes you feel in your body.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE

Worry has not served any purpose to this date for anyone. Whatever has to happen will happen, there is nothing you will achieve by worrying about it. In fact what you worry about will not even happen most of the times. So why waste energy dwelling on worries? You are unconsciously creating a lot of negative energy inside you which is harmful to your whole being. Just plan practically and leave the rest to life.

DROP THE RESENTMENT WITHIN

The past is past, it has no reality than as a memory trace. Can you live in such simplicity? After all if you don’t continuously think up a bad memory you will not feel any resentment within. So just learn to forgive and move on. There is a lot positive energy in the simple act of forgiveness.

STAY AS THE PRESENCE INSTEAD OF EGO

While interacting with people try to stay as the conscious presence instead of dwelling in your mind. Be the unconditioned presence, allowing people to talk or interact with you without taking offence or protecting opinions. People will get attracted to your calm nature as it radiates a lot of positive energy.

LOOK AT THE NATURE

If you want to attract positive energy just look at the nature for a while. A tree or a flower, it just rests in stillness and moves with the wind. There is a peace that radiates from their being. This peace will ignite your own inner true nature of stillness.

FEEL THE SPACIOUSNESS IN YOUR BODY

Just close your eyes and try to feel your body from within. You will be surprised at the spaciousness of your body. It feels like a lot of empty space with a few sensations here and there. This inner body realization will free up any stored negative energy. After a few moments of inner body realization you will feel light and at ease.

These are some simple techniques to attract positive energy into your being. Remember that staying conscious and dwelling in presence is your true nature, and it’s always peaceful and radiant of positive energy.