DON'T SAY YES WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY NO

Tell me if this sounds familiar -- someone asks you to do something that you really don't want to do or you honestly don't have time for. It might be a request or an unreasonable request from a friend, a neighbor, a close relative, a family member, your office colleague or your boss for just working late. But you feel like you will let the other person down if you say no. You feel GUILTY already, and you haven't even responded yet! So you say, "Sure," even though doing so is going to put you under tremendous stress and PRESSURE. You know that you will probably end up resenting this activity, and maybe even ducking some of your responsibilities because your heart's just not in it, but you go ahead and agree anyway.

Why are we so afraid to tell people "NO"? For some reason, we have been taught that "no" is DISRESPECTFUL -- and even insulting. We seem to value other people's time more than our own -- feeling that we need to bend over backward to accommodate others, even if it inconveniences us.  When you tell someone "no," you are really saying that you understand and accept your own LIMITS, and don't want to do a shoddy job by overwhelming yourself.That you value your time and priorities and aren't willing to take away from the truly important things in your life. A little selfishness is necessary, if you want to maintain a balanced and sane life!

So how do you say "NO" without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? We need to find a way to say "no" without dragging up all of those HIDDEN FEARS -- they'll think I'm lazy or selfish, that I have no career drive, that I'm not ambitious, that I have no concern for other people. Once you've accepted that you have the right (and often responsibility) to turn someone down, you can do it in a way that doesn't seem like a REJECTION.

Here are 20 ways to say "NO" without hurting others

1. “I CAN’T RIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN DO IT LATER”

If you really want to help the person but don’t have time now, tell them so. Offer a later time or date — if they can’t wait for you they will find someone else.

2. “I’M REALLY NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED PERSON FOR THE JOB”

If you don’t feel that you have adequate skills to take on a task, that’s okay. It’s better to admit your limitations up front than feel overwhelmed down the road.

3. “I JUST DON’T HAVE ANY ROOM IN MY CALENDAR RIGHT NOW”

Be honest if your schedule is filled — and “filled” doesn’t have to mean really FILLED! It just means you have scheduled as much as you are willing and you’re stopping.

4. “I CAN’T, BUT LET ME GIVE YOU THE NAME OF SOMEONE WHO CAN”

If you aren’t available to help out, offer another qualified resource. Professionals do this all the time when they refer a client to a colleague.

5. “I HAVE ANOTHER COMMITMENT”

And it doesn’t matter what that commitment is. It could be a meeting or a dentist appointment or a day in the park with your kid. The point is, you aren’t available.

6. “I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF SEVERAL PROJECTS AND CAN’T SPARE THE TIME”

Let people know when you have already accepted other responsibilities — no one is going to fault you for having already filled your plate.

7. “I’VE HAD A FEW THINGS COME UP AND I NEED TO DEAL WITH THOSE FIRST”

Unexpected things happen that throw your schedule off — it happens. So accept that you may need to make a few adjustments until your life stabilizes again.

8. “I WOULD RATHER DECLINE THAN END UP DOING A MEDIOCRE JOB”

Knowing that you aren’t able to deliver a quality product — for whatever reason — is reason enough for turning a request down.

9. “I’M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE RIGHT NOW”

People act ashamed of wanting to spend time with their families — like it means they don’t have goals. Having a strong family is a goal in and of itself!

10. “I’M REALLY FOCUSING MORE ON MY CAREER RIGHT NOW”

The reverse is true also — you may have to give up some civic or community duties to focus your energies on a work-related task (and that’s fine, too!)

11. “I REALLY DON’T ENJOY THAT KIND OF WORK”

Who said you were supposed to enjoy your chores and assignments?! Well, if you don’t enjoy them, why do them? Life isn’t about drudgery and boredom.

12. “I CAN’T, BUT I’M HAPPY TO HELP OUT WITH ANOTHER TASK”

If someone asks you to do something you really despise, refuse — but then offer to help with something you find more enjoyable or stimulating.

13. “I’VE LEARNED IN THE PAST THAT THIS REALLY ISN’T MY STRONG SUIT”

Another way of admitting your limitations. Did you know that actually makes you stronger? Knowing what you can handle and what you can’t is a tremendous talent!

14. “I’M SURE YOU WILL DO A WONDERFUL JOB ON YOUR OWN”

Many times, people ask for help because they doubt their own abilities. Let the other person know that you have confidence that they will succeed.

15. “I DON’T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH THAT, SO I CAN’T HELP YOU”

Volunteering to help out shouldn’t mean that you have to learn an entirely new set of skills. Offer to help out with something you already know how to do.

16. “I’M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT”

You might be uncomfortable with the people involved, the type of work, the moral implications — this is a very respectful way to avoid a sticky situation.

17. “I HATE TO SPLIT MY ATTENTION AMONG TOO MANY PROJECTS”

Let people know that you want to do a good job for them — but that you can’t when your focus is too divided or splintered.

18. “I’M COMMITTED TO LEAVING SOME TIME FOR MYSELF IN MY SCHEDULE”

Selfish, selfish, selfish! But in a good way! Treat your personal time like any other appointment — block it off in your calendar and guard it with your life!

19. “I’M NOT TAKING ON ANY NEW PROJECTS RIGHT NOW”

You aren’t saying that you will never help out again — just that you feel your schedule is as full as you would like right now.

20. “NO”

Sometimes it’s okay just to say no! Just make sure that you say it in a way that expresses respect and courtesy — that leaves the door open for good relations.

Author – Ramona Creel

Ten Commandments for Peace of Mind

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR PEACE OF MIND

Peace of mind is a goal that everyone wants to achieve but very few people know how to even get close to it. There are so many stresses in this world that it is hard to imagine living your life without feeling tense all of the time. What is peace of mind? It is a state of inner calmness and tranquillity, together with a sense of freedom, when thoughts and worries cease, and there is no stress, strain or fear. Inner peace is easy to achieve if you take it little by little and make small changes to the way to navigate your day. 


Here are some ten commandments that need to be followed religiously if we are serious about achieving perfect peace of mind.

1. Do not interfere in others' business unless asked 

Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic, and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. 

This kind of attitude on our part denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God, for God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because they are prompted to do so by the Divine within them. There is God to look after everything. Why are you bothered? Mind your own business and you will have your peace. 

2. Forget and forgive

This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often nurture ill feeling inside our heart for the person who insults or harms us. We foster grievances, which in turn results in loss of sleep, develops of stomach ulcer, high blood pressure and many other ailments that stealthily gnaws us from within. 

We forget that the insult or injury was done to us once but by nourishing the grievance we go on excavating the wound forever. Therefore it is essential that we cultivate the art of forgiving and forgetting. Believe in the justice of God and the doctrine of Karma. Let Him judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forget, forgive, and march on. 

3. Do not crave for recognition

This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motive. They may praise you today because you are rich and have power but no sooner you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and start criticizing you. 

Moreover, each person is a mortal with a bundle of defects in them. No one individual is picture perfect. Then why do you value the words of praise of another mortal like you? Why do you crave for such false recognition and lose your peace of mind if the world does not praise you? Believe in yourself. People's praises do not last long and are not worth it. Do your duties ethically and sincerely and leave the rest to God. 

4. Do not be jealous 

We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know you work harder than your colleagues in the office but they get promotions, you do not. You started a business several years ago but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in every walk of life. Should you be jealous? No, remember everybody's life is shaped by his previous Karma that has now become his destiny. If you are destined to be rich, not all the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere, but will only give you restlessness. 

5. Change yourself according to the environment 

If you try to change the environment single handedly, the chances are you may fail. Instead, change yourself to suit the environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has remained unfriendly for you, will mysteriously appear to be congenial and harmonious. 

6. Endure what cannot be cured

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations and accidents that are beyond our control. We must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking, "God will it so, so be it". God's logic is beyond our comprehension. Believe it and you will gain in patience, in inner strength, in will power. 

7. Do not bite more than you can chew

This maxim should be always remembered. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable to carry out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. If you have extra time, then spend it in an inward life of prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind, which make you restless. Fewer the thoughts, greater is the peace of mind. 

8. Meditate regularly

Meditation makes the mind thoughtless. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour every day, you will tend to become calm during the remaining twenty-three and a half hours. Your mind will not be disturbed as much as before. You must gradually increase the period of daily meditation. You may think this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will turn out more work in less time. 

9. Never leave the mind vacant

Empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil deeds start in the mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more - money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or temple work may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even if you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name (japa). 

10. Do not procrastinate and never regret

Do not waste time in wondering "should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Always remember God has His own plan too. Value your time and do things. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can rectify your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET! Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Take it as the will of God. You do not have the power to alter the course of God's will. Why cry over the spilt milk?

Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away. 

                                                  -Robert Fulghum    

     

-Robert Fulghum